Lessons Learned From Letting My Lover Take Photos of Me

And by photos of me, I mean photos of me ‘in flagrante delicato.’ Photos of us, in bed together.  Ok, photos of me. My body. Naked. Very vulnerable.

When I started getting to know my boyfriend Benjamin, he and his wife Mia were happy to share sexy photos with me. They agreed I could share a photo or two with William. He thought that was hot. He also thought it was super sweet. It’s the kind of extra full disclosure polyamory we both prefer to practice. That night before we fell asleep, we had a great talk about how much I was starting to like Benjamin and how excited I was to finally see him in the next week or two.

His mind must have been churning all night, because when we woke up and turned to each other for some morning lovin’ he asked me,

“Where’s your phone?” I handed him the phone and he asked, “Would you like some photos to send to your new friends? I’d really love to take some!”

I laughed, because I knew he also wanted photos for himself, and he blushingly admitted, of course. By now, he was straddling my warm naked body on the bed, his beautiful chest and abs a gorgeous vision. He angled the camera just so, took a few shots, deleted them, tried again. I could tell he had a specific vision for this artistic creation and I just let him work, following directions as needed. He began to kiss me in between the photos and before long photos were forgotten as we moved on to more interesting things. But they were there, recorded on my phone, and waiting for me to view.

Now might be a good time to point out, I am not a size 6. I am more a size 16. William (and Benjamin and Stefan and Alex, Roland- all of the men I’ve dated this past few years) is tall, over 6 feet, and very thin. I often laugh that all my boyfriends and I look like Jack Sprat and his wife.

Jack Sprat and his wife by Frederick Richardson- Public Domain

However, I am more comfortable in my skin than ever before. I have been a size 8 and a size 26. I’m very happy today at this 14/16/18 juncture. But when I saw those pictures, I had to re-evaluate a few things and I learned a few things.

The body parts I hate most, may not be as awful as I think.

The angles of these photos I watched him carefully craft to capture the best angles and create images he loves, were mostly focused on my stomach. My stomach?! Yes, stomach rolls, scars, and all. This was his sexy angle? This was what he lovingly documented for me to send to my new lover? This is how he saw me.

It made me realize, that while I AM comfortable with my own body, I am still uncomfortable with certain parts of me. Why did I feel horrified that he loves my stomach? It’s a big part of me (see what I did there? LOL)

Before, this shot would have been boobs and chili, now there is boobs, belly and chili.

My flabby stomach is part of me and always has been. It’s never been a nice round fat stomach either. I’ve always had a crease right in the middle, even after I lost more than half my body weight. I always felt like it looked messy and I even had liposuction after I lost the weight to try to mitigate it. (It didn’t really work.)  But if I think about my stomach now, I realize it makes me soft and vulnerable. It reminds my lovers of a warm safe place. They think I am beautiful both in spite of and because of my figure.

So why don’t I think it’s beautiful too? Interestingly enough, I did send these photos to Benjamin, and he also found them very sexy.

I wasn’t looking in the mirror enough.

How often do we really look at ourselves? Sometimes I realize I looked at myself to quick check my hair or brush my teeth, but what did I see? Did I notice the food in my teeth? Often, I don’t. Do I really know what I look like? Can I recognize the curves of my ass, or the lines of my hips?

Bali beach body!

After this, I started looking in the mirror more. I consciously started to look at my stomach, my cellulite riddled thighs, and my curvaceous ass. I now regularly turn this way and that, standing naked in the bathroom mirror. I want to see my body and fall in love with it the way he did. I want to feel that same joy in seeing it and knowing it is literally my core. The middle of me, the place my strength comes from. Seeing myself, accepting myself, the way I want to be seen and accepted by others.

It’s ok to take sexy selfies that show the parts I don’t like.

Now when I take selfies, I try to make myself worry less if my belly is showing. I try to show who I am, holistically. I have great large breasts, they make some fabulous selfie photos, for sure. But now I try to be aware of ONLY taking pics of my boobs. Now, I frequently take photos that show all of me, even my stomach. My long legs with their fat thighs. My dimply ass. All of me. I even send those photos to my loves. Belly rolls and all. And guess what?

Every time I send a photo, even ones I feel a bit self-conscious about, I get enthusiastic happy notes back from the men I send them to. But more importantly, I like them. I feel good about myself. Ok, so maybe the truth is I’m working on feeling good about those parts of me that I don’t really love, but it’s also the truth that it is getting easier.

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This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt inspired this post. Check out the other inspired posts by clicking this badge!!!

21 Replies to “Lessons Learned From Letting My Lover Take Photos of Me”

  1. “I want to see my body and fall in love with it the way he did. I want to feel that same joy in seeing it and knowing it is literally my core.”

    This is really beautiful. Love this post!

    Rebel xox

  2. Love the pictures (you look such a vixen in the top one!) and how wonderful that you are realising you need to love every bit about yourself. It is a revelation what men find exciting about us … it’s not usually the bits we think! (except boobs – I’m pretty sure we know that and are right about it!!)

  3. Great post great photos. I’m loving the crossover swimsuit too, but its the joyful smile that makes it for me – you totally own that photo! (I wanted a corner of that smile in the first picture, just to carry the attitude through.)
    It’s always an eyeopener for me to read posts like this and remind myself that my squidgy bits and scars would be appealing to a bloke,(though I’m still a bit thingy abt my neck wrinkles) so thanks for giving me a nudge on this. I sometimes need prompting.

    1. Glad I could remind you and give you that nudge! We have to keep perspective eh? No one else is going to do it for us! You are gorgeous too, my dear! Thanks for linking back to this post with yours! <3

  4. I was smiling throughout reading this wonderful post! I’ve never had a round flat stomach either – even when I weighed around 9 stone, I had the same shape as now but just less of it! You look fabulous and sexy in all of those wonderful pictures, and you have a bewitching smile. You words are so positive and encouraging ! Keep taking images that show all of you!

    1. THANKS! I promise there is No going back now! Amazing how there are as may different shapes and sizes as there are gorgeous amazing people!!!

  5. I think boobs and chili may become my new favorite thing. And I too have made the Jack Sprat comment with a few partners…if JB loses anymore weight, I may be saying it again. But after battling my body (and how I feel about it) for years, I’m starting to accept myself more and more. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still like to make some changes, but I’m comfortable with myself as I am, too. And photos have been a part of that journey.

    1. HA! Last time it was “perks of polyamory’ – I am glad I am giving you fun new phrases to work with!! Ian also glad that you are acting yourself more and more- and I love the gorgeous sexy vulnerable real gorgeous images you share with us all and I am glad they are part of your journey!!

  6. I love this post so much- thank you for sharing it and being so honest! I am too shy to send photos of most of my ‘hidden bits’ to lovers and tend to sanitise my selfies, but maybe I should try it. You’ve inspired me. Also, that wrap around swimsuit is completely awesome.

    1. YAY to inspiring each other to new and interesting and sometimes vulnerable things! That bathing suit is awesome but I tell you- it takes an engineering degree to put on- EVERY.SINGLE.TIME!

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